November 19

     Living in 2 worlds gets exhausting. One foot in each. The old me, the one who is invisible, who is referred to at dinner parties as the "natural blonde", and the emerging me, the one I once was. The one who had no fear of the unknown and didn't wince when facing her own shadow. I'm still not sure why I woke up, what shook me out of my paralyzed life: kids leaving home? Maybe. But more likely, it was the fear of facing the rest of my life not being able to make choices, decisions, or have opinions. I started realizing how much I missed those things. Some of them seem so trivial when I say them out loud, but after twenty some years, I guess they stopped seeming so trivial. For some mystical reason, I decided I wanted certain things to return to my life. Constant laughter, loud music, friends stopping by at all hours, cooking dinners for whomever I feel so moved to cook for. And maybe not having those dinners dumped in the trash. And maybe, just maybe,  meeting someone who would look at me and like what they see. Like me for me.....