I must admit that being invisible gave me a certain amount of security, in an odd sort of way. I was able to stop having to talk. Mainly He talked for me, so I really didn't need to. One of the most distressing moments came when a close friend, a doctor, made an off-handed remark after we had attended a party together. It was the first time anyone every confronted me about the way He treated me in public. She also admitted that others had discussed this on past occasions. I had no idea. The next day she left a name and number on my cell, and he has since helped change my life.
Since becoming more visible, with his help, I have been so fortunate to have a number people in my life who have helped me through this year. I find that each person has entered it for a reason, and I have learned so much from each one. I am so thankful for their thoughtful guidance. Many are new to my life, because in an effort to limit collateral damage, I decided to delay my launch toward independence until the new year. So old friends remain in the dark, still expecting to see us at the numerous holiday parties we normally attend, discussing future plans. It's a hard act to keep up, for me to keep living two lives. But it's with the help of my newly-formed support system, who constantly guide me through this vast unknown, pushing me to keep going, that I will never be able to thank enough. And they are all helping me to learn to speak again. It's these moments, with certain people, that can unexpectedly change the course of your life. I'll never know where their wisdom comes from, or why they decided to share it with me. But I will always be so truly thankful. For so long, I never thought about the possibilities of a tomorrow, and I do again. I know it will be a very different life from the life I have today, and it certainly isn't where I expected I'd be 20 years ago. But at least, I'm back on a journey. And hopefully, tomorrow will be very different from today, and I will certainly be much more visible...
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