February 2

     I am so tired of hiding.  I hide from the phone,  my friends,  His friends and co-workers ... all but a hand-full of people who know.  Otherwise, I'm trying to be invisible again.  Just in another way.  Can't answer questions, because I don't have answers.  He's been at this new place 8 days and my life remains in a holding pattern, waiting to find out how long He will be there, where He will go from there, and if he ever plans to speak to us again.  It would make things a tad easier.  So far, I'm pretty much winging it.  But I've been able to figure a lot out only because one of my best friends is a financial whiz, independently wealthy, and knows what I'm suppose to do, more or less.  Like paying the mortgage.  That took me four whole days to straighten out.  And in the midst of this chaos, this horrific crisis by pretty much any one's standards, this friend can still make me laugh.  Thank god for her.  Who else could actually say to you, "Your husband's in the fucking nut house, you can't do anything until he gets out, you have no idea where your money is, god your life sucks!"  And then we both laugh laugh laugh.  Honestly, some days, like a day last week, when I got a jury notice and a suspension notice for my DC driver's license in the mail, all in the same day, all on top of everything else, and I'm staring at my fallen tree that is still laying across my backyard -- one does start wondering ... exactly how much more am I suppose to take.  But I try not to wonder that anymore, because I've learned there is always something more waiting around the corner.  But then my dog starts barking, my son and his buddies come blasting through the front door, and my daughter calls on the phone.  Oh, who the fuck cares about all this other stuff.  I'm visible again...